How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
