I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize