Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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