I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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