he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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