hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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