Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
