is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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