It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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