I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
