im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize