Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
