life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
