Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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