Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
