Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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