Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
