i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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