During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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