shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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