No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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