I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
