Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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