Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
