I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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