the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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