Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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