I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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