She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
