we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize