we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
