What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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