Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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