Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
