Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
