is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize