remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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