Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
