i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
