well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
That accounts for only three of the penises
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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