so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
