Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
