Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am naked and annoyed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
