Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
