I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize