where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize