The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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