i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
