There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
