We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
