if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize