I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
