Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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