i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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