hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
