I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
