am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
