I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
